the elevator to success

We told you something big was on the way, and while we may not have been entirely convinced ourselves, today that something happened: we rode in the right-side elevator of the office. None of that nonsense going outside only to come back inside, no, this was the straight shot. We're still not quite sure how it happened - our people are still looking into it - but it may or may not have had something to do with the janitor lady. Huge day.

You still there?

 Just checking

Stay tuned...for something huge (twss).

The R.O.S.E.Y. System

Here at HTD3Y, we'd like to do more than entertain and occasionally disgust our readers. We'd like to contribute to the future classes who are considering 3rd year project. To give back, so to speak.

In keeping with this ethos, I'd like to introduce the R.O.S.E.Y. System for excellence in all things 3rd year. At least things that don't involve a wad of 100s and some magnums.

R - Radiology department. Duh. It's like God's gift to lazy 3rd years.

O - Opportunities for plentiful golf outings. This is a serious career move. No one respects a three-putter. They just don't. I would know.

S - Supervision? Why bother? Should be optional at best. Btw, nice try Sherry Burton. I refuse to turn that clinic paperwork.

E - Excellence. Just because, dammit.

Y - Yak semen. Look, i dont want to get too graphic, but its the key to all his success.

Thanksgiving Break

Well, it's that time of year again. Time to celebrate pumpkin pie, turducken, and morbid obesity. Is there anything better? Methinks not.

Time for good ol' Brick to head back to sunny Whale's Vagina, and maybe if I'm lucky I'll poop a squirrel. If you're in town, feel free to come by my pants party. But seriously, it'll be great to get away from the grind. Sometimes dominating third year really takes its toll.

As for the rest of the crew here, there will be plenty of time for them to relax and put in some quality rounds of golf. Those handicaps aren't gonna lower themselves, ladies.

Anyone out there really dominating Thanksgiving? Feel free to comment and let us know. We do still have 1 spot open....

the new guy

this monday we kicked off the recruiting process for the powerful 5 spot of the Office. being that it was a monday, we naturally scheduled the meeting for the golf course. below are a few of the highlights



pro:
1. he drove us to the course. power move.
2. he's a righty. we've havent had great luck in the past with south paws.
3. solid, but not phenomenal golfer. nobody likes a show off.
4. previous blog experience. http://iflippedmylid.blogspot.com/ (note the absence of recipes from the posts)
5. all talk radio, all the time. pretty self explanatory.

con:
1. the hot dogs. we shouldn't blame this on him, but we will.

Restructuring

Even when dominating, streamlining is important.  We've made some changes, but don't expect them to stop.  There's a lot of chatter going on in the message boards about changes to come in the future.  Everyone's livelihood may be on the line.

Dropping the Dead Weight

There's not much to say other than sometimes it's time to move on.

Back in the day, when this glorious blog was just a twinkle in our collective eyes, We decided to take in a certain associate even though he had already successfully run one third year blog into the ground. We're generous guys, what can we say. But it's become clear that his attitude towards allowing posts about cake recipes was really just a sign that he isn't ready for the big leagues yet. We have standards here, standards that cannot be measured in number of YouTube clips posted or pumpkin latte reviews.

A great burden has been lifted. Let us move forward in the name of Domination!

The Durham Inquisition

Like most things in life, if you leave something be, it will get messy. For example, a room will become dirty with clothes or a desk will become dusty given enough time. The same can be said about a blog and its bloggers. Sometimes, you just need to clean up house. This is one of those times. Suffice it to say, Our Fearless Leader has cleaned up what was previously a mess of blog posts: daily, without substance, and downright tedious. Hardly dominating, to say the least. The source of the problem has been nipped in the bud. Now that the situation has been rectified, domination can begin again. Re-domination, if you will.

there once was a dream that was third year

There once was a dream that was third year, and from it was born the Office. Evaluations? A thing of the past. Grades? Not as far as I can see. Hard work? Definitely not. The dream, I thought, also involved the complete dissolution of daily tasks. Blog posts came and went like Stinson. Maybe one post one day, 5 posts the next day, then nothing for days on end. These days of silence eased my mind, as I knew my fellow bloggers were off dominating third year. Things were going well...for a while.

Suddenly posting became a chore. No one really knows what, or who, happened, but things got ugly. One office member told me how he almost put up a blank post, just to bring the beloved hit counter back into view. Well my friends, the days of yore are back thanks to our Fearless Leader.

No pictures, no videos, no bullshit. Well, maybe some pictures, but only good ones. Say what you will about the office, at least its an ethos.

FREEDOM!

The people have spoken: "No more posts! No more posts!"

You are now free from the oppression of the jockey.

Late Night Hilarity

Good evening readers,

A couple important updates on this lovely Thursday:

1-These kids are dominating science fairs. They offer us all a lesson in how to dominate poster days. Take note for AOA day next summer:
(credit: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/35-amazing-science-fair-projects)

2-Thanks to Friend of The Office MC for finding this...

The Reign of Terror is Over

I'd first like to thank you all for still coming to the blog even though the majority of recent posts have been from the ole scalpel jockey. You're all heroes in my eyes. Today was exciting in the office, we had 4 of 5 members show up to conduct a brutally efficient business meeting. This included dining at the new oasis in the Duke South desert: Chick-fil-a Express. And god bless them, the express part is the real deal. They move like the winds of a gale-force storm.

And I made this 2 line little diddy to commemorate tropical storm Ida passing through Durham:

"The weather outside is frightful, but the Office is so delightful!
And since we've got no place to go, we're dominating 3rd year don't you know, don't you know, don't you know!"

N.B.: Dressing as a stoplight is infinitely better than dressing as a porn star.

Decisions Decisions

Friends,

Lots of options for today's post.

I could take the low road and fuss at my Office colleagues for their waning momentum both in terms of showing up to work and posting anything to the blog. But I don't want to do that.

I could take the self-serving road and brag about my newfound achievements in swimming, biking, and running after this weekend. But that's not really my style.

I could take the Full House angle and get all sentimental about how fun the weekend was. But this ain't Nickelodeon.

Instead, I'm gonna ask that we all look forward instead of back. Because tonight is the start of the IM soccer playoffs. And for those looking for some last minute defensive strategies, this lady has some suggestions--

We're On The Google!

Hi boys and girls,

Two quick updates. First, the big news today is that if you google the term 'how to dominate third year blog', WE are hit #1. That's #1 out of 1,410,000! If that doesn't say you've made it on the internets, I don't know what does. But in order to maintain our dominance, I'd like you all to go to the #2 site "Liberty Hill Panther's Dominate -- Sherrilh's Blog" and leave a comment insisting that the author take the site down because it is somehow offensive to you.
Second, in order to prime you for the upcoming college basketball season, please watch this instructional video.



At the very least, it will help you understand why I'm going to yell the phrase "He Looks...He shoots....and He sccoooores" every single time I touch the rock in IM's this year.

You Mean Shenanigans?

Big weekend around the Office. So big, in fact, that it took us until Wednesday to recuperate enough to post about it. It was of course Halloween, and 4/5 of the Office crew were out in force. The fifth shall remain unnamed, but should hang his head about his absence.

Highlights included:
-someone bargaining with a police officer to carry a bag of Franzia with them onto Franklin St because it was 'part of the costume'.
-37 Mario/Luigi couples.
-I met Usain Bolt.
-We saw Hermione Granger....the real Hermione Granger.

Lowlights:
-someone dressed as a stoplight.

climbing the social ladder of life

Yesterday evening, several of the more dedicated office members had the opportunity to rub elbows with a few of the university elite - or should I say they had the privilege of rubbing elbows with us. The first surprise of the night came at the door. As should be by now fairly apparent, womanizing is an abominable (yet integral) part of the Office. After 2.5 years in town, we've managed to cast a fairly wide net, and it turns out one office member had a previous fling with one of the coat check girls. Awkwardness ensued. Luckily, the waiter carrying the drinks arrived shortly thereafter. Charlie muttered something under his breath about either soccer or menstruation - it was hard to make out - and passed, but Jockey and I dove right in.

The smell of fine cheeses and pretentiousness filled the air. Due to the exclusive nature of this event names can't be disclosed and photography was strictly forbidden, but seriously, it was a big deal. After a few appetizers and a couple reloads of the wine glass, the networking began. Thanks to the corporate sponsored workshop on image, the Office members new exactly how to TCOB. A few fist pounds were exchanged with "the chairman" (maybe our idea, maybe his) and a couple short rib tacos (NBD) were dominated/dropped on the floor before focus was shifted to "the man." Naturally, we broke the ice with talk about the small liberal arts colleges we each attended and from there things went on as they generally tend to do. At the end of the evening he wished us luck with the ongoing office construction and we all parted ways a few rungs higher on the social ladder of life. It's not so lonely at the top.

Fear and Loathing in the Office

There's not much good to say about construction, except that its fun to break stuff and use a drill.  Unfortunately, construction has been all around the Office this year and it now appears concerning to our livelihood.  Over the course of the day, the drills, saws, hammers, voices, etc have gotten closer to our establishment.  When I came into work today (at 2pm, NBD), our receptionist/the librarian had lost 80% of her workspace to quote construction unquote.  If we aren't careful, our precious Office may be gone by the time we get to work tomorrow, or whenever we come back. 

We've got a plan to put the fix on their construction.  Picture this: Howieeeeeee's western blot and Omentum's northern blot, plugged into the construction workers' generator and running over night.  Imagine the look on their faces! If we can strain their resources just a little bit, the Office may survive to see another day....fingers crossed.

Weekend Visitor

Exciting times around The Office this weekend, as Venk's long lost Swedish cousin visited. He wore a zip-up cardigan all the way to the top (gutsy) and repeatedly bragged about attending some small liberal arts college in northeast Bjornlandet.


And in doing some background research, we also learned about Venk's Swedish ancestral namesake. Courtesy of visitsweden.com, we learn the following (credit to Office secretarial candidate AK) :

"Lovers of the outdoors life will love northern Sweden’s legendary national parks; Abisko and Sarek being two outstanding examples. Northern Sweden is also the ancestral home of the Sami, the indigenous people of the region, whose unique traditions and culture thankfully thrive today."

Hapnadsvackande!

The Work Never Stops

Yesterday, many of our colleagues could be heard muttering hopelessly about the nice weather outside and how sad it was they had to be inside working. Meanwhile, some of the Office crew realized being outdoors and being productive are not mutually exclusive...
Oh yeah, and despite a raging case of H1N1, I was about 6 inches from a hole-in-one. Office confidant Crowe was impressed...

We just gettin' started...

Boom Goes the Dynamite! We now have 1,000 hits. Did I have to hit refresh 15 times to ensure that I got the screenshot with the hit counter at 1,000? ...Maybe. Was it worth it? Absolutely.

A lot of hard work has gone into this day. I'd like to thank everyone who made it possible: Charlie, Barn, Venk, Lumbie, our loyal readers, the med center library, and of course, the copcats.

Winning "the game"

Say what you will about the Office, but if that picture does not make you a believer then nothing will.  Let's be honest here, he's got a drill, he's operating the  fluoro machine, and he's a natural in lead (note: thyroid protection).  Not to mention the successful pinning of some hips in the fresh tissue lab.

Check out the link below:
Dominating the third year (of life)

Copcats!

Over the course of your academic tenure here at Duke, you start to notice when people are copying you. While mimicry may be the greatest form of flattery, sometimes it really is just annoying. And lame. This has escalated recently, with random guys in white coats sitting in our original Office, some terrible rival 3rd year blog attempting to act like it is more official than How to Dominate Third Year blog, and others acting like they are dominating 3rd year as efficaciously as we Office Workers are. What really grinds my gears, however, are these 2nd years that are going through their rotations on the wards. We just did that people. Get over it. I know you want to be like us; I get it. I'd want to be like us too. But really, you're just copying, and that's no good. And don't get me started on the 1st years.... they are copying kids copying us. Muy horrible. I know you may be asking, "Barney, what about your predecessors at Duke Med?" That's a good argument, but I must retort that this is the only year that has constructed an organized Office with an official online web log of its many experiences. Such originality separates us from the rest, take note of that.

At the Office, copycats really get our goats. So I plead to you, stop copying.

Important Updates

1. One of the Office members may or may not have swung a folding chair at a girl this weekend. You know who you are.

2. Watch this as soon as you can...

Day Man-It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - watch more funny videos

Window Office

Sometimes all the hard work and long hours of third year really pays off. Sometimes, someone else gets to the Office first.

Regardless, Team Domination is finally rocking the Window Office. Enhanced lighting and a new view might just be all we need to take it to the next level of domination. Evidence: AM crossword and Sudoku promptly crushed, library picture contest conquered, and Barney Stinson successfully repelled for the day. If only every day could be this productive.

Movin on up

After what skeptics called an all time low in office morale earlier this week (the unexplained loss of yet another secretary, the hot dog cart's unexplained disappearance, jockey's bus post, etc), spirits were sky high today with the ground breaking ceremony for the new office. We're hoping that the new facilities - though technically no "larger" than the previous office - will give us that feeling of open space that the one person with the new window view will surely enjoy. The launch of a new BBM is also expected to decrease productivity by at least 150% - truly a great day in the Office.

Secretary Interviews

We had our first interview for the open position of Office Secretary this morning.

Pros: she passed a lot of our screening criteria
-good handwriting
-knows the date
-agreeable to food-related to-do list items

Cons:
-took up desk space
-resume was handwritten and used the phrase 'TCOB' in previous job description
-may have been drinking wine from a soda can

Thanks for coming in. We'll call you.
--The Office

The Little Things: Bus...Service?

Today is part 2 of a 10-part series entitled "The Little Things: acknowledging that which helps me dominate". Today's topic: the Duke Bus Service.

To be fair, the odds are clearly stacked against the Duke Bus Service being customer-friendly. And it all starts with timing. Namely, each H-1 is given 20 minutes to cover a round trip between PG3, North, and South which takes about 25 minutes before rush traffic and somehow incorporates 5 left turns against traffic and like 7 stop lights. As such, one rarely has time to complete driver ADL's like 'stop and pick up riders'. Add to this unfortunate setup the following: 1-general passenger discontent that they've been relegated to PG3 in the first place, 2-road construction which if it were a kid's movie would be entitled The Neverending Story, and 3-the inexplicable time warp of the PG3 garage (how does it take 10 minutes to find a spot???), and the PG3 bus stop is never gonna be a happy place.

But, ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you that there is a bigger picture here. I would suggest that the average MS3 (Office employees excluded, of course) occasionally finds themselves looking for ways to waste time throughout the day. Either because we're waiting for ELISA's to finish, waiting for our PI to acknowledge our presence, or because no one with an MD responds to emails within 72 hrs, like Peter in Office Space some of us find ourselves with only about 15 minutes of real, actual work per day. But if we sit at a desk reading the internet, watching TV shows, or finding other ways to pass downtime (www.sporcle.com), it's human nature to feel guilty about our own inactivity.

And in this light, what the Bus Service offers is a mental and physical reprieve. For its ability to turn a 10 minute drive into a 45 minute 'commute', the Bus Service allows me to feel not guilty, but angry, about how little time I have each day. Like a friend taking the fall for my crime, the driver offers me an external outlet for my internal frustration, and accordingly transforms me from 'bad guy' to 'victim'. This provides me with exactly the type of inner tranquility one needs to dominate. And, arriving to my desk at 10:45 AM sharp, dominate is exactly what I will do. For that, Sir or Madam bus driver, I say thank you.

Next Week: The Medical Center Library.

Hot dog law isn't govered by reason

Can someone explain to me the logic of the new hot dog stands across the street from Duke North?  How did they get there?  Who is running them?  Is Duke taking a profit off of them?


I suspect a conspiracy on the part of the smokers by the "no smoking" signs in front of the hospital.  The key conspirator - Sammie - realized after years of smoking in front of the signs that duke wouldn't stop their smoking, and he wanted to push their boundaries.  While lighting the cig of a fellow addict, Sammie decided it would be a good idea to sell low-priced, quality hot dogs across the street.  Word has it his cost is 25 cents per dog, but he's charging $1.50!!!!!  Talk about a quality balance sheet. 

But where did he get the Sabrett hot dog stand?  And is the other hot dog stand operator another smoker, a competitor, or is it a joint venture?  There are a lot of unanswered questions, and I think an office lunch outing to the hot dog stands would be a good start.

Morning Conference

Let's face it, Wednesday mornings around the Office can be tough, with 7am grand rounds and the requisite shirt + tie + whitecoat. If one isn't careful, it can lead to a bad mood and throw off an entire day's worth of productivity. Fortunately, we arranged a little AM conference and skill-building workshop to keep our attitudes afloat and our minds sharp.
I won. Venk and Charlie are like third year to me, in that I dominated them.

The Little Things: Miracle Drug

Today is part 1 of a 10 week series entitled "The little things: Acknolwedging That Which Helps Me Dominate" in which I will chronicle some of the minor aspects of MS3 which help me maximize my year. Today's topic: Bruegger's Pumpkin Spice Coffee.
Calling 300 patients to arrange followup for a clinical trial? That sounds miserable. And then having one (if not several) be convinced you were prank-calling them and insist on calling you 'Joshua'? That's even worse.

But now how about doing those things with a hefty caffeine buzz? Yeah, now we're talking. Folks, this 16 oz cup doesn't just hold coffee. It holds memories of high school football, fresh cut grass, hayrides, and a season's worth of hopes and dreams in it as well. But it's only around for a couple months. And just like the Mackinaw peach, the Watermelon shake at Cookout, Sam Adams Octoberfest, and Venkman's newfound 'love of dogs'...savor it while it lasts. Because some day soon, you're going to show up looking for some pumpkin spice love and see its been replaced by wild mountain blueberry or some other winter seasonal bullsh*t.

So for now, go drink and be merry. Need to write an IRB? It'll go faster with coffee. Need to read applications? They're more energetic with coffee. Want to complete a triathlon? Start your morning with a nice steaming cup of pumpkin spice. These guys did...

Next week: The Duke "F*CK you too!" bus service.

A Traitor in Our Midst

Today, we became privy to grave and horrible news! Scalpel Jockey has gone rogue on us and is trying to endorse a rival 3rd year blog. It's disgusting and unholy. Might as well make him the quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings while he's at it.

He'll have a lot to prove to get on the Office good side again.

Office Productivity Retreat

Ropes courses? Passe. Productivity seminars? Pretty sure we would dominate that. Office paintball? OK, maybe we'll keep that on the back burner.

No, dear colleagues, we decided to boost Office morale at the Durham World Beer Festival. We'll be tackling issues such as intra-office synergy, strategic value propositions, and coordinated team kegstands.

Let's just hope Barney Stinson doesn't vom all over the place...

Big Money (No Whammies!)

The life of a 3rd year isn't all fun and games. Sometimes you need to work past the regular hours in order to make the big bucks. Of course one could argue that if you arrive at the office after lunch you're really just working 2nd shift, but that's just semantics. It's Friday and somebody needs to hold the fort down. Have to get the work in before the weekend.

Corporate Exercise

Six rounds of golf played since the start of third year, with a scoring average of 80.2.  Trying to drop the handicap under 3.  Scalpal Jockey torched the Neuse earlier this week with a 74...NBD. 
Today's plan: Work out a date for next week's business meeting/golf outing and decide where to eat lunch.

Lunch Plans

Anyone who has spent a significant amount of time at the office, or has even glanced at our daily "to do" list, would recognize that making lunch plans (and more importantly later executing these lunch plans) holds an important place in our daily agenda. And rightfully so. Stinson has been known to come into the Office strictly to join in on the daily ritual. Around 10:30, when morale in the Office is typically at a daily low, it feels good to look up at the board and say, "Hey, what're we doing for lunch today?" (though we all know the real morning thrill comes from checking off the box marked "Lunch plans?"). The crux of the debate these days mainly revolves around venturing to the BC walkway for the sandwiches and the view vs the convenience and daily specials of the LSRC. Less often is North thrown around, and never South. The execution is key. For the members of the Office, lunch is a time for us to forget about how little work we're actually doing, and to just sit back, relax, and talk about how awesome it is to be dominating third year.

Someone has to lose

Our ninjas out there reported that Bill Lumbergh recorded the movie '27 Dresses' last night.  He is getting pwned by third year.

The Barney Stinson Plan

After all the others had convened in The Office earlier today, Charlie asked me to start contributing to this blog. Now generally, I'm not an Office attender as I usually am up late at night doing various awesome things, like philosophizing or dreaming up a cure for breast cancer [read: playing video games]. Basically, I'm too tired to wake up in what the lay people call "the morning." But maybe, just maybe, this blog can turn my life around.

A man, a plan, a blog

Yesterday, Charlie had the brilliant idea of starting a blog to chronicle our experiences and accomplishments of the third year. Before we can look ahead, it is necessary to first look backwards at the events that have gotten us to where we are today. Mark it.

Heart...Walk?

Over 10,000 people participated in the AHA Heart Walk last weekend.

I won.

That's how I dominated 3rd year...

Office Pet

Venkman scored a puppy and trotted around campus during prime hours with her. Dr. Venkman knows how to dominate third year.

Note: the cries of endearment could be heard for miles. - Dr. Venkman

Making sh*t happen

Some people work in labs, at a bench. Not us. We dominate third year from a sweet office, and we get things done... just check the whiteboard.

Getting started

We've established ourselves in a sweet office with a whiteboard, which was not equipped with a marker. Peter Venkman totally swiped one from the room by student affairs, and we were on our way to dominating third year.

Still looking for a secretary, if you know anyone interested.  Our last secretary had to leave because she was sleeping around the office.  Can't be too careful.