climbing the social ladder of life

Yesterday evening, several of the more dedicated office members had the opportunity to rub elbows with a few of the university elite - or should I say they had the privilege of rubbing elbows with us. The first surprise of the night came at the door. As should be by now fairly apparent, womanizing is an abominable (yet integral) part of the Office. After 2.5 years in town, we've managed to cast a fairly wide net, and it turns out one office member had a previous fling with one of the coat check girls. Awkwardness ensued. Luckily, the waiter carrying the drinks arrived shortly thereafter. Charlie muttered something under his breath about either soccer or menstruation - it was hard to make out - and passed, but Jockey and I dove right in.

The smell of fine cheeses and pretentiousness filled the air. Due to the exclusive nature of this event names can't be disclosed and photography was strictly forbidden, but seriously, it was a big deal. After a few appetizers and a couple reloads of the wine glass, the networking began. Thanks to the corporate sponsored workshop on image, the Office members new exactly how to TCOB. A few fist pounds were exchanged with "the chairman" (maybe our idea, maybe his) and a couple short rib tacos (NBD) were dominated/dropped on the floor before focus was shifted to "the man." Naturally, we broke the ice with talk about the small liberal arts colleges we each attended and from there things went on as they generally tend to do. At the end of the evening he wished us luck with the ongoing office construction and we all parted ways a few rungs higher on the social ladder of life. It's not so lonely at the top.

Fear and Loathing in the Office

There's not much good to say about construction, except that its fun to break stuff and use a drill.  Unfortunately, construction has been all around the Office this year and it now appears concerning to our livelihood.  Over the course of the day, the drills, saws, hammers, voices, etc have gotten closer to our establishment.  When I came into work today (at 2pm, NBD), our receptionist/the librarian had lost 80% of her workspace to quote construction unquote.  If we aren't careful, our precious Office may be gone by the time we get to work tomorrow, or whenever we come back. 

We've got a plan to put the fix on their construction.  Picture this: Howieeeeeee's western blot and Omentum's northern blot, plugged into the construction workers' generator and running over night.  Imagine the look on their faces! If we can strain their resources just a little bit, the Office may survive to see another day....fingers crossed.

Weekend Visitor

Exciting times around The Office this weekend, as Venk's long lost Swedish cousin visited. He wore a zip-up cardigan all the way to the top (gutsy) and repeatedly bragged about attending some small liberal arts college in northeast Bjornlandet.


And in doing some background research, we also learned about Venk's Swedish ancestral namesake. Courtesy of visitsweden.com, we learn the following (credit to Office secretarial candidate AK) :

"Lovers of the outdoors life will love northern Sweden’s legendary national parks; Abisko and Sarek being two outstanding examples. Northern Sweden is also the ancestral home of the Sami, the indigenous people of the region, whose unique traditions and culture thankfully thrive today."

Hapnadsvackande!

The Work Never Stops

Yesterday, many of our colleagues could be heard muttering hopelessly about the nice weather outside and how sad it was they had to be inside working. Meanwhile, some of the Office crew realized being outdoors and being productive are not mutually exclusive...
Oh yeah, and despite a raging case of H1N1, I was about 6 inches from a hole-in-one. Office confidant Crowe was impressed...

We just gettin' started...

Boom Goes the Dynamite! We now have 1,000 hits. Did I have to hit refresh 15 times to ensure that I got the screenshot with the hit counter at 1,000? ...Maybe. Was it worth it? Absolutely.

A lot of hard work has gone into this day. I'd like to thank everyone who made it possible: Charlie, Barn, Venk, Lumbie, our loyal readers, the med center library, and of course, the copcats.

Winning "the game"

Say what you will about the Office, but if that picture does not make you a believer then nothing will.  Let's be honest here, he's got a drill, he's operating the  fluoro machine, and he's a natural in lead (note: thyroid protection).  Not to mention the successful pinning of some hips in the fresh tissue lab.

Check out the link below:
Dominating the third year (of life)

Copcats!

Over the course of your academic tenure here at Duke, you start to notice when people are copying you. While mimicry may be the greatest form of flattery, sometimes it really is just annoying. And lame. This has escalated recently, with random guys in white coats sitting in our original Office, some terrible rival 3rd year blog attempting to act like it is more official than How to Dominate Third Year blog, and others acting like they are dominating 3rd year as efficaciously as we Office Workers are. What really grinds my gears, however, are these 2nd years that are going through their rotations on the wards. We just did that people. Get over it. I know you want to be like us; I get it. I'd want to be like us too. But really, you're just copying, and that's no good. And don't get me started on the 1st years.... they are copying kids copying us. Muy horrible. I know you may be asking, "Barney, what about your predecessors at Duke Med?" That's a good argument, but I must retort that this is the only year that has constructed an organized Office with an official online web log of its many experiences. Such originality separates us from the rest, take note of that.

At the Office, copycats really get our goats. So I plead to you, stop copying.

Important Updates

1. One of the Office members may or may not have swung a folding chair at a girl this weekend. You know who you are.

2. Watch this as soon as you can...

Day Man-It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - watch more funny videos

Window Office

Sometimes all the hard work and long hours of third year really pays off. Sometimes, someone else gets to the Office first.

Regardless, Team Domination is finally rocking the Window Office. Enhanced lighting and a new view might just be all we need to take it to the next level of domination. Evidence: AM crossword and Sudoku promptly crushed, library picture contest conquered, and Barney Stinson successfully repelled for the day. If only every day could be this productive.

Movin on up

After what skeptics called an all time low in office morale earlier this week (the unexplained loss of yet another secretary, the hot dog cart's unexplained disappearance, jockey's bus post, etc), spirits were sky high today with the ground breaking ceremony for the new office. We're hoping that the new facilities - though technically no "larger" than the previous office - will give us that feeling of open space that the one person with the new window view will surely enjoy. The launch of a new BBM is also expected to decrease productivity by at least 150% - truly a great day in the Office.

Secretary Interviews

We had our first interview for the open position of Office Secretary this morning.

Pros: she passed a lot of our screening criteria
-good handwriting
-knows the date
-agreeable to food-related to-do list items

Cons:
-took up desk space
-resume was handwritten and used the phrase 'TCOB' in previous job description
-may have been drinking wine from a soda can

Thanks for coming in. We'll call you.
--The Office

The Little Things: Bus...Service?

Today is part 2 of a 10-part series entitled "The Little Things: acknowledging that which helps me dominate". Today's topic: the Duke Bus Service.

To be fair, the odds are clearly stacked against the Duke Bus Service being customer-friendly. And it all starts with timing. Namely, each H-1 is given 20 minutes to cover a round trip between PG3, North, and South which takes about 25 minutes before rush traffic and somehow incorporates 5 left turns against traffic and like 7 stop lights. As such, one rarely has time to complete driver ADL's like 'stop and pick up riders'. Add to this unfortunate setup the following: 1-general passenger discontent that they've been relegated to PG3 in the first place, 2-road construction which if it were a kid's movie would be entitled The Neverending Story, and 3-the inexplicable time warp of the PG3 garage (how does it take 10 minutes to find a spot???), and the PG3 bus stop is never gonna be a happy place.

But, ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you that there is a bigger picture here. I would suggest that the average MS3 (Office employees excluded, of course) occasionally finds themselves looking for ways to waste time throughout the day. Either because we're waiting for ELISA's to finish, waiting for our PI to acknowledge our presence, or because no one with an MD responds to emails within 72 hrs, like Peter in Office Space some of us find ourselves with only about 15 minutes of real, actual work per day. But if we sit at a desk reading the internet, watching TV shows, or finding other ways to pass downtime (www.sporcle.com), it's human nature to feel guilty about our own inactivity.

And in this light, what the Bus Service offers is a mental and physical reprieve. For its ability to turn a 10 minute drive into a 45 minute 'commute', the Bus Service allows me to feel not guilty, but angry, about how little time I have each day. Like a friend taking the fall for my crime, the driver offers me an external outlet for my internal frustration, and accordingly transforms me from 'bad guy' to 'victim'. This provides me with exactly the type of inner tranquility one needs to dominate. And, arriving to my desk at 10:45 AM sharp, dominate is exactly what I will do. For that, Sir or Madam bus driver, I say thank you.

Next Week: The Medical Center Library.

Hot dog law isn't govered by reason

Can someone explain to me the logic of the new hot dog stands across the street from Duke North?  How did they get there?  Who is running them?  Is Duke taking a profit off of them?


I suspect a conspiracy on the part of the smokers by the "no smoking" signs in front of the hospital.  The key conspirator - Sammie - realized after years of smoking in front of the signs that duke wouldn't stop their smoking, and he wanted to push their boundaries.  While lighting the cig of a fellow addict, Sammie decided it would be a good idea to sell low-priced, quality hot dogs across the street.  Word has it his cost is 25 cents per dog, but he's charging $1.50!!!!!  Talk about a quality balance sheet. 

But where did he get the Sabrett hot dog stand?  And is the other hot dog stand operator another smoker, a competitor, or is it a joint venture?  There are a lot of unanswered questions, and I think an office lunch outing to the hot dog stands would be a good start.

Morning Conference

Let's face it, Wednesday mornings around the Office can be tough, with 7am grand rounds and the requisite shirt + tie + whitecoat. If one isn't careful, it can lead to a bad mood and throw off an entire day's worth of productivity. Fortunately, we arranged a little AM conference and skill-building workshop to keep our attitudes afloat and our minds sharp.
I won. Venk and Charlie are like third year to me, in that I dominated them.

The Little Things: Miracle Drug

Today is part 1 of a 10 week series entitled "The little things: Acknolwedging That Which Helps Me Dominate" in which I will chronicle some of the minor aspects of MS3 which help me maximize my year. Today's topic: Bruegger's Pumpkin Spice Coffee.
Calling 300 patients to arrange followup for a clinical trial? That sounds miserable. And then having one (if not several) be convinced you were prank-calling them and insist on calling you 'Joshua'? That's even worse.

But now how about doing those things with a hefty caffeine buzz? Yeah, now we're talking. Folks, this 16 oz cup doesn't just hold coffee. It holds memories of high school football, fresh cut grass, hayrides, and a season's worth of hopes and dreams in it as well. But it's only around for a couple months. And just like the Mackinaw peach, the Watermelon shake at Cookout, Sam Adams Octoberfest, and Venkman's newfound 'love of dogs'...savor it while it lasts. Because some day soon, you're going to show up looking for some pumpkin spice love and see its been replaced by wild mountain blueberry or some other winter seasonal bullsh*t.

So for now, go drink and be merry. Need to write an IRB? It'll go faster with coffee. Need to read applications? They're more energetic with coffee. Want to complete a triathlon? Start your morning with a nice steaming cup of pumpkin spice. These guys did...

Next week: The Duke "F*CK you too!" bus service.

A Traitor in Our Midst

Today, we became privy to grave and horrible news! Scalpel Jockey has gone rogue on us and is trying to endorse a rival 3rd year blog. It's disgusting and unholy. Might as well make him the quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings while he's at it.

He'll have a lot to prove to get on the Office good side again.

Office Productivity Retreat

Ropes courses? Passe. Productivity seminars? Pretty sure we would dominate that. Office paintball? OK, maybe we'll keep that on the back burner.

No, dear colleagues, we decided to boost Office morale at the Durham World Beer Festival. We'll be tackling issues such as intra-office synergy, strategic value propositions, and coordinated team kegstands.

Let's just hope Barney Stinson doesn't vom all over the place...

Big Money (No Whammies!)

The life of a 3rd year isn't all fun and games. Sometimes you need to work past the regular hours in order to make the big bucks. Of course one could argue that if you arrive at the office after lunch you're really just working 2nd shift, but that's just semantics. It's Friday and somebody needs to hold the fort down. Have to get the work in before the weekend.

Corporate Exercise

Six rounds of golf played since the start of third year, with a scoring average of 80.2.  Trying to drop the handicap under 3.  Scalpal Jockey torched the Neuse earlier this week with a 74...NBD. 
Today's plan: Work out a date for next week's business meeting/golf outing and decide where to eat lunch.

Lunch Plans

Anyone who has spent a significant amount of time at the office, or has even glanced at our daily "to do" list, would recognize that making lunch plans (and more importantly later executing these lunch plans) holds an important place in our daily agenda. And rightfully so. Stinson has been known to come into the Office strictly to join in on the daily ritual. Around 10:30, when morale in the Office is typically at a daily low, it feels good to look up at the board and say, "Hey, what're we doing for lunch today?" (though we all know the real morning thrill comes from checking off the box marked "Lunch plans?"). The crux of the debate these days mainly revolves around venturing to the BC walkway for the sandwiches and the view vs the convenience and daily specials of the LSRC. Less often is North thrown around, and never South. The execution is key. For the members of the Office, lunch is a time for us to forget about how little work we're actually doing, and to just sit back, relax, and talk about how awesome it is to be dominating third year.

Someone has to lose

Our ninjas out there reported that Bill Lumbergh recorded the movie '27 Dresses' last night.  He is getting pwned by third year.